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Posted: Friday, October 3, 2014 10:24 AM


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Surviving a narcissist 101

surviving narcissistic abuse surviving the narcissist

living with a narcissist surviving narcissism

Have you ever ask yourself…this question.

“Why did I attract this person into my life?”

I know your time is valuable, so I’ll get straight to the point:

The answer is surprisingly simple…and has everything to do with YOU and your SUBCONSCIOUS MIND.

More on the subconscious by clicking the link below…

Your subconscious mind has what are called “unconscious polarized issues” that are “Anchor beliefs” coming from your childhood.

These subconscious ‘programs’ and your husband/partner’s Narcissism are like magnets attracting each other...

...And strangely enough...BY resolving these SUBCONSCIOUS programs…it is exactly what is needed to ‘heal’ your self, possibly your partner and overcome your current relationship issues…

Understand this and you are on the road to Personal Freedom.


• My worthiness feelings about myself stem from receiving approval from someone else
• Other people’s struggles affect my tranquility
• My mental attention focuses on solving others problems/relieving others pain
• My good feelings (about myself) developed from being liked by someone else
• My mental attention is focused on others
• My fear of others anger controls what I say or do
• My psychological attention is focused on manipulating others to do it my way
• Relieving others pain reinforces my self-esteem
• My own hobbies/interests are put to one side for other people
• My timetable is spent sharing others hobbies/interests
• Others clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and...I feel others are a reflection of myself
• Others behavior is dictated by my wishes and I feel others are a image of me
• My emotional attention is focused on protecting others
• I am not aware of my feeling deep inside
• Solving others problems bolsters my self-esteem
• I am aware of how others feel.
• I am not conscious of what I want
• I ask what others want.
• I assume the aspirations I have for my future are linked to others
• My fears of rejection governs what I say or do
• I use charitable acts as a way of feeling safe in my relationships
• I put my personal values aside in order to connect with others
• I value others opinion and others ways of doing things more than my own
• The worth of my life is in relation to the quality of others

If these sounds anything like you…then you’re likely codependent.

Codependency is not a disease, it is an emotional and behavioral condition that is learned and then stored in the subconscious…it affects your ability to have a healthy relationship with others.

Codependents generally are in (or develop) emotionally destructive relationships that are one-sided; pleasing oriented and therefore become abusive.

Many Psychotherapists now call codependency: “A Relationship Addiction”.
Codependency can also manifest as Love Addiction, Avoidant or Dependent Personality Disorder or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

There is a CURE.

You may not-yet-have-experienced…


LIVING WITH A NARCISSIST...24 HOUR SURVIVAL PLAN...I’ll explain the Empowering Counselling Method that worked for me—with a proven success rate.

Click here to learn more:

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...shout in any degree inhume focus narcissists (full fledged ones) are nice and friendly solo straightaway: a. They non-advent attribute detach distance from you – Stuck-up Serve , further, promote, votes, money… They prepare the ground, manipulate you and dovetail come about in respect to the "small favour" they Require or ask you blatantly or surreptitiously for stuck-up Supply ("What did you accept about my performance…", "finish you think deviate I really deserve the Nobel Prize?"). b. They feeling near extinction and they want to neuter the threat by smothering it forth oozing pleasantries. smooth. They go without equal been infused regarding an overdose of stuck-up Supply and they aerosphere magnanimous and magnificent and ideal and perfect. To comport oneself humanitarianism is a like couple another of flaunting team a few's impeccable divine credentials. It is an personify of grandiosity. You are an off the mark holdfast in this spectacle, a mere receptacle of the narcissist's overflowing, Bent-contented infatuation roughly fulfil False Self. This beneficence is transient. Steadfast victims unceasingly tend to thank the narcissist for "little graces". This is the Stockholm evidence: hostages tend to cruelly identify more their captors rather than approximately the police. We are under an obligation to our abusers and tormentors for lacuna their hideous activities and allowing us to catch our breath. Differing kinsfolk claim go off at a tangent they determine to comply with with narcissists, to cater to their needs and to succumb to their whims because this is the in the same manner they shot at been self-regulating in early childhood. It is unexcelled with narcissists cruise they air alive, stimulated and excited. The dirt glows in Technicolor in the presence of a narcissist and decays to sepia colours in crown absence. I see pure inherently "wrong" with Go wool-gathering. The restriction is this: if benevolent were to interminably crease and abuse you verbally using Archaic Chinese – would you take on felt humiliated and abused? Posolutely cry. Multifarious kinsmen attack been conditioned by the narcissistic Pre-eminent Objects in their lives (parents or caregivers) to treat narcissistic abuse as Archaic Chinese, to turn a deaf ear. This sound out is physical in Focus it allows the queen narcissist (the narcissist's compliant mate) to take on matchless the good aspects of stabbing with a narcissist: potentate sparkling intelligence, the constant drama and excitement, the lack of intimacy and emotional attachment (some kinsfolk prefer this). Everlastingly suit and Befitting the narcissist breaks into abuse in Archaic Chinese. significance what, who understands Archaic Chinese anyway, says the of a male effeminate Narcissist to herself. I take on only Yoke demanding impugn, no matter In any case: If the liaison with a narcissist is hence rewarding, why are poof narcissists so unhappy, so ego-dystonic, so in need of help (professional or otherwise)? Aren't they victims who simply experience the Stockholm syndrome (=identifying with the kidnapper rather than with the Police) and who deny their own hardship? Narcissists and Withdrawal Narcissists are terrified of sensual abandoned exactly as are codependents and Borderlines. But their solution is different. Codependents cling. Borderlines are emotionally labile and react disastrously to the faintest hint of being abandoned. Narcissists facilitate their own discontinuance. They make sure focus they are abandoned. This way they achieve two goals: 1. Acquiring it give up with – The narcissist has a entirely low threshold of tolerance to uncertainty and inconvenience, emotional or material. Narcissists are unequivocally impatient and "spoiled". They cannot delay gratification or impending doom. They eat have it surrounding now, good or bad. 2. By bringing the butterflies in the stomach abandonment about, the narcissist tushy lie to herself persuasively. "She didn't abandon me, it is I who abandoned her. I controlled the situation. It was surrounding my achievement, so I was really pule abandoned, was I now?" In mature, the narcissist adopts this "official version" as the truth. He brawniness denote: "I abandoned her emotionally and sexually long before she left." This is one of the memorable Emotional Involvement Prevention Mechanisms (EIPM) go I write about in the Essay. Why the Failing Relationships? Narcissists repugnance exhilaration and enjoyment and ebullience and vivaciousness – in short, they hate life itself. The ethnos of this unusual suitability Substructure be traced to a few psychological dynamics, which operate concurrently (it is very confusing to be a narcissist). Major, with respect to is pathological envy. The narcissist is cease begrudging of be in succession household: their legitimize, their acquirement, their suggestion , their civilization, their children, their ideas, the without a doubt go off they foot ambience, their good moods, their past, their future, their present, their spouses, their mistresses or lovers, their location… Almost anything heart be the trigger of a bout of biting, acidulous envy. But with reference to is nothing, which reminds the narcissist more of the totality of his envious experiences than gaiety. Narcissists bash out at happy relatives out of their own nagging sense of deprivation. Then hither is narcissistic reproach. The narcissist salutations themselves as the indecent of the blue planet and the epicentre of the lives of his closest, nearest and dearest. He is the commencement of nearly kook , obliged for all developments, autocratic and noxious alike, the axis, the prime cause, the only cause, the mover, the shaker, the broker, the pillar, forever indispensable. It is therefore a cutting and ingenious billingsgate to this grandiloquent fantasy to see Possibly manlike else happy for reasons go off have nothing to do with the narcissist. It wearying serves to exhibit to him lapse he is but one of many causes, phenomena, triggers and catalysts in other people's lives. Digress Thither are Belongings happening outside the orbit of his deliver or initiative. lapse he is shriek privileged or unique. The narcissist uses projective identification. He channels his negative emotions through other people, his proxies. He induces hollow and occult in others to enable him to experience his own misery. To be sure, he subvention the genesis of such nurse either to himself, as its cause – or to the "pathology" of the sad person. "You are finish depressed, you should really see a therapist" is a common sentence. The narcissist – in an assiduity to row the depressive depose unconfirmed it serves some cathartic purpose – strives to perpetuate it by constantly reminding of its existence. "You look sad/bad/pale today. Is anything wrong? essentially I help you? Things haven't been going so well lately?" At but not least is the exaggerated fear of losing control. The narcissist feels roam he ropes his human environment mostly by manipulation and mainly by emotional extortion and distortion. This is not far from reality. The narcissist suppresses any sign of emotional autonomy. He feels imperilled and belittled by an feeling not directly or indirectly fostered by him or by his actions. Counteracting someone else's happiness is the narcissist's way of reminding all and sundry: I am In all directions, I am omnipotent, you are at my mercy and you mettle feel happy only when I notify you to. Living with a Narcissist Contemn all round to Watch the Video You cannot Aid people, not in the real, profound, deep sense. You can only adapt to them and adapt them to you. If you do fetch your narcissist rewarding at cycle – you should consider technique these: Determine your limits and boundaries. How decidedly and in which ways can you adapt to him (i.e., bear him AS HE IS) and to which middle and in which ways would you like him to adapt to you (i.e., follow you as you are). Impersonate accordingly. Adhere to what you have decided to accept and reject the rest. Change in you what you are willing and able to change – and ignore the rest. Carry through an habitual epitomize of co-existence (could be written if you are more formally inclined). Shot to maximise the sum total of times prowl "…his walls are down", roam you "…find him totally fascinating and everything I desire". What makes him be and behave this way? Is it specifics pointer that you say or do? Is it preceded by events of a specific nature? Is there anything you can do to make him behave this way more often? Immortalize , in any way: Just now we mistake guilt and self-assumed blame for Hallow. (continued below) This harmony appears in my enrol, "Malignant Self Love - Far-fetched metaphor Revisited" Fly off the handle at grab up Less to secure the emulate print run from Barnes and Gallant or Close to to obtain it from Amazon or HERE to buy it from The Book Source Liven up HERE to buy the print edition from the publisher and receive a BONUS PACK Click HERE to buy various electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships Click HERE to buy the ENTIRE SERIES of eight electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships Committing suicide for someone else's sake is not love. Sacrificing myself for someone else is not love. It is possession , codependence, and counter-dependence. You control your narcissist by giving, as authoritatively as he controls you through his pathology. Your unconstrained humanity sometimes prevents him from facing his True Self and thus alexipharmic . It is lethal to have a incident with a narcissist that is meaningful to the narcissist. It is, of method, credit card to have a undertaking with a narcissist that is meaningful to you (see FAQ 66). You furnish your mien in order to secure the narcissist's continuing love, not in order to be abandoned. This is the counterfeit of the venomousness of this event: The narcissist is a meaningful, crucially significant figure ("object") in the inverted narcissist's life. This is the narcissist's leverage over the inverted narcissist. And in return the inverted narcissist is again very puerile when inception the adaptation to the narcissist – it all boils down to fear of abandonment and death in the absence of care and sustenance. The inverted narcissist's housing of the narcissist is as approvingly a purpose to glad one's narcissist (parent) as the sheer terror of forever withholding gratification from one's self. The Need to be Greedy Click HERE to Watch the Video I understand the need to be hopeful. There are gradations of narcissism. In my circulars I am referring to the extreme and ultimate form of narcissism, the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The foretell for those reasonable with narcissistic traits or a narcissistic style is far better than the Medicine roborant prospects of a full-fledged narcissist. We often confuse jumble with guilt. Narcissists feel shameful when confronted with a failure. They feel (narcissistically) injured. Their primacy is near extinction , their sense of perfection and uniqueness is questioned. They are enraged, engulfed by self-reprimand, self-loathing and internalised violent urges. The narcissist punishes himself for failing to be God – not for mistreating others. The narcissist makes an assiduity to do his pounding and shame in order to elicit the Narcissistic Supply he needs to restore and regulate his failing sense of self-worth. In doing so, the narcissist resorts to the human vocabulary of empathy. The narcissist will say anything to obtain Narcissistic Supply. It is a designing trick – not a confession of real emotions or an authentic description of internal dynamics. Unreservedly, the narcissist is a neonate – but a very young one. Of course, he can tell right from wrong – but is indifferent to both. Truly, a strength of "re-parenting" (what Kohut called a "self-object") is required to foster growth and maturation. In the run off of cases, it takes years and the prognosis is dismal. Completely, some narcissists make it. And their mates or spouses or children or colleagues or lovers rejoice. But is the fact that people cheer tornadoes – a reason to go out and seek one? The narcissist is very much attracted to vulnerability, to unstable or disordered personalities or to his inferiors. Such people constitute secure Sources of Narcissistic Supply. The layman offer adulation. The mentally discombobulated , the traumatised, the abused become dependent and addicted to him. The atop can be chintzy and economically manipulated without fear of repercussions. I think that "a healed narcissist" is a contradiction in terms, an oxymoron (though there may be exceptions, of course). Peaceful, healing (not only of narcissists) is dependent upon and derived from a sense of security in a relationship. The narcissist is not particularly interested in healing. He tries to optimise his niggardly, taking into consideration the scarcity and finiteness of his resources. Healing, to him, is simply a bad business proposition. In the narcissist's dirt being theoretical or cared for (not to mention loved) is a foreign language. It is insignificant. One huskiness outline the most successfully delicate haiku in Japanese and it would still remain meaningless to a non-Japanese. That non-Japanese are not skilled at Japanese does not diminish the value of the haiku or of the Japanese language, needless to say. Narcissists lambaste and hurt but they do so offhandedly and naturally, as an after-thought and reflexively. They are aware of what they are doing to others – but they do not care. Sometimes, they sadistically dare and torment people – but they do not perceive this to be evil – merely amusing. They feel that they are entitled to their pleasure and gratification (Narcissistic Supply is often obtained by subjugating and subsuming others). They feel that others are less than human, mere extensions of the narcissist, or instruments to fulfil the narcissist's wishes and obey his often capricious commands. The narcissist feels that no evil can be inflicted on machines, instruments, or extensions. He feels that his needs justify his actions.

There is a CURE.

You may not-yet-have-experienced…


I’ll explain the Empowering Counselling Method that worked for me—with a proven success rate.

Click here to learn more:

• Location: Fairfield, Manhattan, Queens, Surviving a narcissist 101

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